The Next Best Thing To Being Him
A new documentary is set to hit store shelves in a few days which features a haggard John McCain alongside a thousand mourners in India weeping then popping out a cell phone and saying into the camera, "Bipartisan or not, it's been a long campaign. That's why I depend on Verizon Wireless." The camera cuts to a surging skyline of pouring rain in the distance and off camera you can hear McCain shout, "Mud in my damn shoes, get me out of here!"
- Chris Mansel